Thursday, July 31, 2008

Memory Summary


In high school, there was a wall of a woman who oftentimes sat in front of me thanks to our alphabetically consecutive surnames. Her name was Stacy. She had teeth like the goblins in Harry Potter or maybe Bat Boy. She wore many sassy Tweety Bird shirts, which is not to say that she had an interest in Warner Brothers characters. Instead it was an indicator of the women's plus size selection at the Pelham Wal-Mart. Certainly it has become a uniform. Wal-Mart is slowly amassing an army, obese women from coast to coast outfitted in 4XL Fruit of the Loom t-shirts featuring a pissed off Tinkerbell or teddy bears in backward baseball caps and baggy jeans.

Do the large women identify with these graphics? Why does Wal-Mart want the women to wear this? Why is Tweety so angry? This is a tangent, but please meditate upon these important issues at a later date.

Stacy had a habit of shaking her leg, which is always annoying if sharing a bench or at the movies. I never waited for the bus or visited the theater with Stacy, but these location limitations did not apply to her massive form. Classmates sitting in proximity felt the leg bounce as a mild earthquake, a moderate annoyance. And because the epicenter of this quake was her thigh, the rippling effects upon her body nauseatingly resembled a water bed in outer space. Bless her heart, though, that despite her unfortunate body mass, apparel, and jiggle inclinations she was still SO annoying.

When our teacher posed a question, Stacy would sigh loudly and exasperatedly exclaim, "Who knows?" This comment was not reserved for difficult questions or even for every now and then; Stacy mistakenly assumed the role of class spokeswoman for almost every question asked of us. "What can you guys tell me about blindness as a theme in King Lear?" "Who knows?" "How does a covalent bond work?" "Who knows?" "¿Cómo te llamas?" "¿Quién sabe?" She would often cut me off when I knew the answer. Some teachers would take her word for it and believe none of us had a response! My infuriation climaxed one day when the hypervocalization of Stacy's nonpluss repeatedly halted class discussion so that no progress was made. She was enjoying it, deriving pleasure from that which exasperated me! This was the advanced English 12 course; she was challenging the class's titular superiority with her idiocy. Our particularly feeble English teacher entertained Stacy by engaging her into long tangents wherein she would coax the correct answer out of Stacy. This infuriating loser duet put us so far behind the other classes. My senior year of high school, I studied two works in my literature course: The Cantebury Tales and Macbeth. That's about ten months, y'all.

I needed to take action. Since I knew the teacher was weak, she would acquiesce to my request to silence Stacy's incessant interruptions. I packed my things slowly and I approached Ms. Essman as the last students exited the classroom. Tactfully, I mentioned my desire for more class discussions and that our studies were being impeded by my classmates' interjections and tangents. She did crack the whip on this, in that she began to ignore Stacy's outbursts. Needless to say, class was so boring after that. I slept more and cared far less as graduation came nearer and nearer.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bright Side


Things are truly what you make them, so let's resolve to have the best of each moment glorified in our minds as we travel through the rest of the week. Are you bored? Think of the time you have to catch up on transcribing your travel journal or last week's Project Runway episode! If you're too busy, stop for a glass of ice water and then focus on the mimosa and reproduction vintage handtooled pumps you'll treat yourself to when your work is done! Hot? Make some Kool-Aid ice cube tray popsicles and keep your bras in the freezer! Broke? Decoupage a boombox with old magazines and sell it to a local gallery or take some of the clothes you never wear to a consignment shop! Being positive will show through in all aspects of your life. You will inspire others! Your skin will improve! You will exude sexiness and confidence!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

It's a Good Life, If You Don't Weaken by Seth

This was not a book that I was really wowed by, but it definitely kept my attention. Though the book is not plot driven, I wasn't thinking, "That was it?" when I was done. Seth's search for information on an obscure cartoonist Kalo from 1930s-1950s periodicals leads him to ultimately discover much about himself as he openly discusses his personal ticks along the way. The style was clearly heavily influenced by Seth's love of classic comic art; I enjoyed the clean, swooping lines even though the style is not my regular cuppa. The particular copy I have is horribly bound, with a quarter of the pages completely detached. Though annoying to sift through, the loose pages give way to an endearing set of personal neuroses and incessant fretting. I dislike self-conscious graphic novels (read: Craig Thompson and Jhonen Vasquez), but this self-consciousness differs from self-awareness (i.e. "Whoa, der, this drawing looks like crap" notes) which peeves me out! Though I do not always agree with Seth and though he seems debilitated at times by his depression or by his concern over whether or not he is depressed, the neurotic introspection resonated in me and I would occasionally put the book down and reflect on my own mental state. A quote from GoodReads.com member Cody was pretty spot on: "What saves this graphic novel from navel-gazing misanthropy is Seth's awareness that he is a navel-gazing misanthrope." One thing I am still sore about is that there was a Glossary and copies of the Kalo works Seth has collected in the back of the book! I sure wish I had known that while I was reading!!!! This graphic novel is Seth's first and I would be interested in reading another. Recommended for Woody Allen types, the old-fashioned, and Drawn and Quarterly readers.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Suckitude

Whilst surfing the world wide web, I encountered this advertisement. Now I have never been to a Fashion Bug. I believe the closest location is 45 minutes away. I will never go there because they do not sell flattering clothes. I have never considered myself a "fashionista" or a style snob, and if I saw this woman on the street wearing this outfit I wouldn't even think twice about it (and that is also another problem entirely). Okay so they are using a plus size model, but obviously Fashion Bug doesn't know how to dress one! This girl is cute and obviously not fat, just a full figured woman. However, that bold white line on the bottom of the shirt is accenting the widest part of her body! Then that all over print just widen her out. She is rendered shapeless and thereby reduced to a boxy or sack-like shape. I don't dislike the cropped pants, but if I was going to pair a loose fitting top like that with capris, I'd choose some that were more form fitting. The trouser style look, just adds more volume and fabric and baggyness. So, as I said before, though this outfit looks like crap here in an ad, it wouldn't phase me if I saw it in public. This is a severe problem because if you're running an ad, you should feature exciting outfits that represent your company. This ad tells me that Fashion Bug is for boring young and middle-aged women who like cheap clothes and are more than likely overweight. AWESOME! Here I even altered the pants like I think they should fit. Isn't that better? I mean, only a little, but some!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

give a blog a bone

I am moving over a few older blogs from my LiveJournal, so if you're reading a feed of this, you will get several older entries your way. DEAL WIT IT.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Hm.....

Guess where I'm going shopping today that just opened in ATL?

I can't fight it any more.

I have to post cute animal videos. I watched TWO today within a few minutes of each other. They need to be documented. We'll consider it a part of Things I Love Thursday.



Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Shits to peep

  • I love Bust magazine and because this is their 15th anniversary, they're offering $15 subscriptions! (I think it's $20 regularly. Anywho, I really dig that magazine because they have interesting content and I like to check out the boutiques and shops with ads in the back.
  • I'm going to let this article speak for itself: Tech savvy teens are using Google Earth’s splendidly clear aerial shots of the UK to launch a summertime craze – pool crashing. Amazing! Let's do it!
  • I've been messing around a lot on this site: Wordle. You get to create fun word pictures. Here is one I made of my page, which is terrible. I can't ever make one of these I really like because I don't have a string of words handy to copy and my blog is so new that a lot of my content is about laminators, graphs, and offices! WTF! And now by typing those words again, I've added to their count so they'll show up more pronounced from now on... And how do I say "one" so often???